Being a Mom

I feel like I have experienced a wide range of emotions today as I have been a mother.   

Frustration.  At 5:30 am when I went into Spencer's room and realized his front side was all wet because I forgot to put him in a Huggies diaper last night before bed.  For some reason the Luvs are fine during the day, but have leaked enough times in the night that now I know to put him in something else at bedtime.  Last night was bath night, and Spencer went first.  I put him in a diaper, thinking I would change him once more before I put him to bed,  but just forgot.  I think Spencer's crying woke Caleb up, and Caleb never really went back to sleep.  I heard Caleb come upstairs while I was helping Spencer.  After changing all of Spencer's clothing, blanket, and sheets I nursed him back to sleep.  I checked on Caleb at about 6:15 am, and found him quietly playing with Legos.  I asked him to go back to bed and try and get some more sleep.  He told me he stayed downstairs until 6:42, but I don't think he got much more sleep.

Joy.  As Parker was getting out of the car after school he handed me a Mother's Day card and gift.  He wanted me to open it right away, and it brought tears to my eyes as I read it.  He said my favorite thing to do is play with him.  I chuckled that he thinks I weigh 60 pounds and am 78 years old.  I explained that I was crying that I was happy, not because I was sad or upset. His present was a ladybug he made from a rock painted red with black spots and googly eyes glued on to keep in the flower bed.   

Satisfaction.  Today we had our Home Blessing Hour, which has evolved into the boys picking six chores each from a list that I have created.  I actually spent much of the day cleaning, and feel great about all that I cleaned including dusting the ceiling fans that were very dusty.  Even more than that though is the satisfaction I felt after helping my children with the chores they picked.  Parker cleaned the sliding glass door and wiped down a garbage can, and I just feel happy every time I look at them.  Today I decided to pay the kids for the chores they completed, and while it is not a large sum of money they were more eager to help out.  

Helpless.  When I picked Caleb up from school he seemed upset, but I did not know why and he did not want to talk about it.  I thought of how when he was younger I could figure out easily why he was upset whether it was a fall, someone taking his toy, or not getting his way.  He went to his room for a while when we got home, and seemed better after he came out.  Maybe he was just tired, but I felt helpless that he was upset and I did not know what to do. 

Gratitude.  I was reading this blog and found an amazing essay on Motherhood, posted May 8th by Ani Taylor.  I continued reading other essays that were written and posted about Motherhood.  I thought of my healthy children, and felt grateful for the chance to have them in my life. 

I love reading with my children.   I went back to sleep until about 7.  Alyssa woke up about the same time, and Caleb appeared at my door because he wanted to do his reading out loud.  So we all snuggled in the blankets while Caleb read out loud.  I also was grateful to be able to read stories to my kids tonight before they went to bed. 

Connected. My sister called today for a listening ear.  I have called her many times when I felt overwhelmed by the responsibility and sheer work of being a mother.  She is a great mother, and one of my best friends.  It is nice to know she is just a phone call away.  I actually called her Monday morning, because I knew she would listen without judging me as a horrible mother.